There are certain things a person signs up for when they first start dating someone. The butterflies? Yes. The late-night conversations? Absolutely. But no one talks about what follows when they call it quits; the sudden urge to look up your ex online “just to check.”
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, congratulations. You are probably one of the most emotionally stable people on the dating market.
But if you do know what I’m talking about, then you’ve probably typed their name into a search bar at least once… purely for research purposes, of course.
Let’s call it what it really is: the post-break-up ritual of stalking your ex online (and just online…don’t be creepy).
We tell ourselves we’re “just checking.”
Checking that they’re okay.
Checking that they’re miserable.
Checking that they haven’t suddenly developed a personality.
Or even the dreaded confirmation that they have moved on and are now dating someone who laughs at all of their bad jokes, and isn’t as hot as you.
It almost always begins innocently. We click their profile. We scroll a little. Then, oh no, a photo we haven’t seen before. Who took that picture?
Before we know it, we’ve scrolled through their entire photo gallery, accidentally followed one of their friends, and are now debating if looking through their mom’s profile is “too far.”
Spoiler alert… it is.
Of course, online stalking isn’t limited to just one platform; people have gotten surprisingly creative, and some treat stalking like their own personal application for the F.B.I.
The options MUN students reported using were endless, with a few methods commonly recurring.
I was told of the classic Instagram scroll, carefully checking posts, stories, and religiously scrolling the “friends” reels, trying to see how they’re doing based on their liked videos.
Others take the Spotify route, casually glancing at playlists to see if their ex is suddenly into sad music or suspiciously romantic love songs.
Snapchat detectives can be found stalking snap scores to see how much they have increased in the last hour, while others rely on the tried-and-true method of gathering intel through mutual, but not always reliable, friends.
And then there are the truly dedicated investigators who go the extra mile with a fake account, just to take a look without leaving any evidence behind.
Whichever way it’s done, the goal is usually the same: a quick peek into a life you technically aren’t a part of anymore, whether you want to be or not, or really not…depending on the ex.
Checking up on an ex is something that most of us do, even if we pretend it’s not true.
Sometimes it’s curiosity, sometimes it’s nostalgia, and sometimes it’s just to confirm that their questionable life choices have caught up with them…if dreams do come true.
When I asked MUN students their opinion on stalking your ex, the responses were… mixed, to say the least.
Some were quick to point out the downsides; it’s emotionally draining, keeps you stuck in the past, and can sometimes spiral into an unhealthy obsession, hoping for karmic retribution. Others, however, joked that it’s basically free entertainment, like watching a reality TV show starring someone you once knew way too well.
It’s clear that for some people it’s no big deal, while for others it’s better to take a step back and move on.
So what’s the right approach? Honestly, who cares?
If you block your ex and move on peacefully, gold star for emotional maturity. But if you decide to keep scrolling, make some popcorn, enjoy the show, and follow the tried-and-questionably-true rule, “be careful, don’t like that post.”
